Date: 29th April 2011 at 3:36am
Written by:

Arsene Wenger

The Gunners boss won't be attending today's wedding

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger is fuming at the timing of today’s royal wedding according to made up sources close to the club.

Wenger feels that the bank holiday and publicity surrounding the matrimony of the future King of England will distract from the must win clash with United taking place at the Emirates on Sunday.

Our source said: “Arsene’s naturally disappointed with the Premier League for failing to move the wedding to a more appropriate date. He feels it’s just another example of the massive conspiracy that has now reached the very highest levels.”

Emmanuel Eboue didn’t share his gaffer’s sentiments: “I love the royal family, especially Camilla a lady of true elegance and panache.”

Our club insider revealed that Wenger will not be attending the wedding: “Arsene says he’s not happy certain buses have been cancelled and has no intention of forking out for a taxi.”

Arsenal are desperate to end a run of only one win in ten games and know that a victory over United could turn their faltering season around.

However with over 2 billion people scheduled to be tuning in and many of his senior players involved in street parties throughout the day, Wenger is resigned to the fact he may have to call on some of his younger players.

Our source said: “Arsene’s determined to use the situation to his advantage, as with kids off school he can call upon some of the Arsenal under 15s if need be.”

Jens Lehman was  over the moon at the prospect of another wedding: “Watching Charles and Diana in the early 80’s was up there with winning any football match. ”

A royal spokesman branded Arsenal’s application to have the wedding moved to a later date  as: “ludicrous.”

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