Date: 24th October 2016 at 2:54am
Written by:
Erm…. wtf??

United’s 4-0 defeat to Chelsea at Stamford Bridge may have been hard to take for the fans and for Jose Mourinho but for the players it should have been unbearable as they almost to a man gave their worst performances in a Red shirt. 

It took just 34 seconds for Pedro to put the home side in the lead and things didn’t get much better from United after that, with more goals to concede, more mistakes to make and more embarrassment to overcome as the Reds put on a a horror show of David Moyes-esque proportions. Here’s how the players fared at the massacre of Stamford Bridge:

David De Gea- could have done better for the first goal and perhaps should have, the others weren’t his fault. 5

Antonio Valencia- arguably United’s best player – although that’s not saying much. 6

Chris Smalling – Captain Marvel – in the sense it’s a marvel he’s not in the reserves, was at fault for three of the four goals, maybe even all four if we’re being harsh, utterly contemptible performance that would justify a January transfer sale to Altrincham. 2

Eric Bailly- not his best game but wasn’t as culpable as some of his team mates for the horror show we witnessed, news of his injury being serious is devastating. 5

Daley Blind- I read somewhere he can play left back, someone should tell him that because he obviously doesn’t know, only Smalling was worse for United. Dreadful. 3

Marouane Fellaini- if he were to fall asleep in the middle of the centre circle, he’d be more effective than he was today, what does he have to do to be sold? 3

Paul Pogba- here’s an equation – divide his transfer fee by 89 million then times it by four and you get his rating for today’s anonymous performance. 4

Ander Herrera- he’s desperately trying to hold a midfield together, the trouble is no one else wants to join in. 5

Marcus Rashford- why on God’s earth have we seen the best young striker on the planet, being forced to play at right and left back in the last two games? Oh, yeah cos Jose Mourinho thinks it’s acceptable that’s why. Wasted. 5

Jesse Lingard- he dabs and posts funny snapchats, but he needs to do more on the football pitch cos rumour has it that’s actually his f****** job. 5

Zlatan Ibrahimovic- what has happened to the player who arrived at Old Trafford a few months ago with the world of expectation on his shoulders and shrugged it off with ease. He’s been wasteful for far too long and should’ve buried an easy header. 4

Subs- Juan Mata for Fellaini- didn’t do much better than the man he replaced if we’re being honest. 4

Marcos Rojo for Bailly- the sort of substitution you dread, it didn’t take long for him to show why. 4

Anthony Martial for Lingard – the game was all but over as a contest by the time he came on and he did little to change that. 5

Referee – Martin Atkinson – awful decision to only book David Luiz for a knee-high studs up challenge on Fellaini. 3

Jose Mourinho – got it so wrong against his former side it’s almost unbelievable. 1