Date: 24th May 2011 at 2:03am
Written by:
Vidic lifts the trophy

Rubbish-all of 'em!

This current crop are awful, aren’t they?

I mean they’ve only gone and won the league by 9 points; the greatest margin in six years.

They lack real fantasy too, even though they’ve scored the most goals and have the league’s top goal-scorer and top assister in our ranks.

They can’t really cope without their key men either, despite consistently performing without the likes of Rio Ferdinand, Antonio Valencia, Wayne Rooney, Ji-Sung Park and Darren Fletcher for periods. Heck, they even tried to rid United of Fergie for five games but United ploughed on. What losers. United, not The FA, obviously.

But they can’t be that good as they have just completed the season unbeaten at home in all competitions and in the league they have enjoyed the best home form in Sir Alex Ferguson’s reign, winning 18 and drawing 1. No team in Europe can equal that record. So we’re all shite, aren’t we?

Along with that, this shambles of a team have failed to concede a goal away from home in Europe. Spoil-sports.

They’re such an old team too. That Giggs fella, he’s past it, isn’t he? The greedy sod’s won more titles than most clubs let alone players and he’s not letting anyone else have a go. It’s just not fair.

What about Scholes? His vision and awareness is second to none but he can’t tackle.

He’s just won his 10th league title, but can he tackle though? His legs are gone and he can’t tackle! What about that other oldie- a certain Edwin Van der sar? The oldest player to win the Premier League, and is still seen as the best in his position in the world. But hey, he dropped a ball at West Brom’s Somen Tchoyi’s feet to cost United their 100% record at home in the league so good riddance, eh?

That poor points tally of a measly 80 points is crap too, right? Even though the lads of 2000/01 won the league with the same amount of points and the boys of 1999 could only muster 79 points. This lot are rubbish.

But come on, they’ve only booked their place in the Champions League final for the third time in four years. Pants team, this.

What’s funny is they went 29 games unbeaten in the league too, but they did end up losing four games so that must mean they’re past it, surely?I mean they lost four less than any other club. Chokers.

That’s why Gareth Bale was named PFA Player of the Year for his outstanding displays against Inter Milan.

That’s also why the Young Player award went to Jack Wilshere despite both Javier Hernandez and Nani being in contention for the award – they only contributed to 50 goals this season (Nani: 10 goals, 18 assists; Hernandez: 20 goals, 2 assists) compared to Wilshere’s unrivaled tally of 6 (3 goals, 3 assists) and we need not calculate Bale’s stats. He’s better than Messi, remember? And both Bale and Wilshere’s teams have regressed to finish 5th and 4th respectively compared to 4th and 3rd of last season. But they’re great, better than those title-winners.

Oh yeah and how could I forget the lion-hearted, badge-kissing, team-talking, armband-wearing, call-up-gaining Adonis that single-handedly kept his team up from relegation. Yes, good ol’ Scotty Parker won the Football Writers Association award for Player of the season and his side only finished rock-bottom. Whoever said there’s a London bias?

If this joke of a team do the unthinkable on Saturday, then I think it could mark the beginning of the real ‘rapture’.

DISCLAIMER: This post is an ironic take on United’s criticism this season

Twitter: @saadnoor