Date: 24th May 2011 at 2:03am
Written by:
Vidic lifts the trophy

Rubbish-all of 'em!

This current crop are awful, aren’t they?

I mean they’ve only gone and won the league by 9 points; the greatest margin in six years.

They lack real fantasy too, even though they’ve scored the most goals and have the league’s top goal-scorer and top assister in our ranks.

They can’t really cope without their key men either, despite consistently performing without the likes of Rio Ferdinand, Antonio Valencia, Wayne Rooney, Ji-Sung Park and Darren Fletcher for periods. Heck, they even tried to rid United of Fergie for five games but United ploughed on. What losers. United, not The FA, obviously.

But they can’t be that good as they have just completed the season unbeaten at home in all competitions and in the league they have enjoyed the best home form in Sir Alex Ferguson’s reign, winning 18 and drawing 1. No team in Europe can equal that record. So we’re all shite, aren’t we?

Along with that, this shambles of a team have failed to concede a goal away from home in Europe. Spoil-sports.

They’re such an old team too. That Giggs fella, he’s past it, isn’t he? The greedy sod’s won more titles than most clubs let alone players and he’s not letting anyone else have a go. It’s just not fair.

What about Scholes? His vision and awareness is second to none but he can’t tackle.

He’s just won his 10th league title, but can he tackle though? His legs are gone and he can’t tackle! What about that other oldie- a certain Edwin Van der sar? The oldest player to win the Premier League, and is still seen as the best in his position in the world. But hey, he dropped a ball at West Brom’s Somen Tchoyi’s feet to cost United their 100% record at home in the league so good riddance, eh?

That poor points tally of a measly 80 points is crap too, right? Even though the lads of 2000/01 won the league with the same amount of points and the boys of 1999 could only muster 79 points. This lot are rubbish.

But come on, they’ve only booked their place in the Champions League final for the third time in four years. Pants team, this.

What’s funny is they went 29 games unbeaten in the league too, but they did end up losing four games so that must mean they’re past it, surely?I mean they lost four less than any other club. Chokers.

That’s why Gareth Bale was named PFA Player of the Year for his outstanding displays against Inter Milan.

That’s also why the Young Player award went to Jack Wilshere despite both Javier Hernandez and Nani being in contention for the award – they only contributed to 50 goals this season (Nani: 10 goals, 18 assists; Hernandez: 20 goals, 2 assists) compared to Wilshere’s unrivaled tally of 6 (3 goals, 3 assists) and we need not calculate Bale’s stats. He’s better than Messi, remember? And both Bale and Wilshere’s teams have regressed to finish 5th and 4th respectively compared to 4th and 3rd of last season. But they’re great, better than those title-winners.

Oh yeah and how could I forget the lion-hearted, badge-kissing, team-talking, armband-wearing, call-up-gaining Adonis that single-handedly kept his team up from relegation. Yes, good ol’ Scotty Parker won the Football Writers Association award for Player of the season and his side only finished rock-bottom. Whoever said there’s a London bias?

If this joke of a team do the unthinkable on Saturday, then I think it could mark the beginning of the real ‘rapture’.

DISCLAIMER: This post is an ironic take on United’s criticism this season

Twitter: @saadnoor


12 responses to “Time To Disband This Dreadful United Side”

  1. timbo says:

    Any true aficionado of the game would readily concede that this is one of the worst United sides to win the championship, and glossing over the salient points that reveal the true situation hardly does this site any credit. Being a loyal supporter is one thing, steadfastly refusing to take stock of reality to the point of outright stupidity is quite another.

    I have had the privilege of watching and supporting United play since the latter stages of the Busby era, and not only can I safely state that there have been better teams paraded out by United that have won the championship, I have seen better sides that have had to settle for 2nd or 3rd place,

    No champion side truly worthy of the title would put up such an abysmal away record and rely on home ground results to get across the line. Ruthless sides looking to stamp their authority on a championship don’t concede draws, even losses, against lowly opponents after taking the lead – how many times did United perform the feat this season, especially early on? Great United sides of the past have won the championship in style, with the attacking spirit ingrained into the side by Sir Matt, and which every manager since has tried to live up to. Excepting a handful of games, United’s play has been very dour this season, even at home, with few of the games providing any true satisfaction from the perspective of entertainment or appreciation – one was reminded at times of the same unimaginative style that took Chelsea to a couple of championships under Mourinho. That’s not the United way.

    Finally, you can paint the points total anyway you like, but the fact is that it’s one of the lowest to win the title in the history of the EPL, in addition to which United’s away record was the worst for a champion side in over 30 years. Want to dance around those two significant points?

    I’ll take a championship win any day, especially one that finally nudges the team ahead of Liverpool after all the crap we’ve had to take from Merseyside through the years, but that’s about the only satisfaction I’ll take out of the abysmal EPL season that’s just concluded. United didn’t streak to the title – it fell over the line in almost apologetic fashion as all the other major contenders found new and ingenious ways to shoot themselves in the foot and contribute towards what has been, in a memory that goes back well over forty years in football terms, what I would consider one of the worst seasons of football I have ever seen. The quality has been truly appalling. Chelsea should have had the championship in the bag with their stellar early season form and the points lead they established, but decided to commit hari kari via the usual shenanigans that brought about the departure of Ray Wilkins, distracting both the manager and the team – what could you say about an outfit that would sack a manager one season after he guided the team to the double? City have the financial clout and playing staff to walk away with the title, but have so many raging egos, and such short sightedness, that they keep getting in their own way. Liverpool – well, what more could be said about them that hasn’t already been made plain? As for Arsenal, I have rarely seen a team of such immense talent so lacking in self belief when it really counts, season after season. Once Wenger is allowed to open the purse strings and bolster the team with enough playing depth to make it through a full season they will be a real threat.

    All in all, posts like yours don’t really serve a useful purpose other than to highlight how results and nothing else are all that matter to many in the United fraternity – so much for everything that Sir Matt established at the club, and which it has become famous for. The side clearly needs an infusion of much needed talent, particularly in midfield, where it completely lacks the kind of world class talent to compliment the players front and back. Scholes is clearly past his best, Giggs can only play every second game or so, while the remainder are simply workmanlike and efficient – Anderson represents the one possibility for the future, but unless he can finally show some consistency next season patience may finally wear thin.

    I personally believe that Sir Alex and his staff are well aware of the deficiencies and will address them in the off season. That, and the young talent coming though the ranks, should hopefully be enough to get the side back to playing the kind of football that United has blessed the game with for decades.

    • jose says:

      The whole idea of playing a league indicates a results based platform. The strength of teams in the league this year has been greater than probably any time since the PL began. the form of Bolton, sunderland and blackpool in the early part of the season was fabulous. Later in the season Everton, Stoke, liverpool and City started to improve. Never before has there been a stronger field of contestants. As for Chelsea’s AMAZING start to the season I disagree. They played teams not expected to finish above mid table for the majority of their opening games, and it was only natural they’d start dropping points when they met stronger teams. After all they had a terrible pre-season and got spanked in the Charity Shield. United have had a few injuries and suspensions (Rooneys 2 match ban will be the only time thats done ever)but have managed to get where they needed, that is the united spirit and long may it continue. I wouldn’t swap our success over the past 6 seasons for Arsene’s beautiful football without scoring or winning anything.

  2. Ouzair says:

    It was an amazing read!! keep them coming Saad although not all redflagflyinghigh readers usually get the sarcasm…

  3. Hamisi says:

    I totally like your blog. I believe the team has been unfairly criticized. In my opinion this comes from lazy journalism and hatred toward the red devils. This team is in transition and will be one of the best man u team ever…watch this space.

  4. Frank says:

    I don’t think limbo understands what this is about. He’s simply poking fun at the coverage this united team have been getting, comparing it with hard evidence and it’s all light-hearted fun. No need to get all high and mighty.

  5. Frank says:

    I think winning thebtitle with this side is down to the manager. He deserves all the praise n glory as nobody expected united to win the league so comfortably as the 9 point gap suggests

  6. Timothy says:

    Great work here! Cracked me right up!

  7. Unitedrtheteam4me says:

    I think that first comment has some valid points but ease up, will you? Not every year we become the most successful club in the country.

  8. Steve Crabtree says:

    Good, tongue in cheek post that sticks two fingers up to the critics.

    I think Timbo has taken this too literally, and missed the point of the post, but hits the nail on the head when he says we’ve traditionally wont it in style. We’ve not been “rubbish” this season, but we haven’t had the syle and flair players to win it in our traditional manner.

    Fergie’s used the players he’s got and been efficient with them. If anything, this has been the least entertaining title win, but with the restrictions on the playing staff and much reported lack of investment, it’s a credit to the team and to label them ‘rubbish’ or whatever the press, fans, media, pundits etc have called them is an insult.

  9. Jammy says:

    That Timbo fella needs to get a sense of humour…. Can’t you tell it’s a jokey piece? You’re no united fan mate.

  10. Greg says:

    I don’t think limbo read the disclaimer.. Haha!