Date:20th June 2011 at 4:58pm
Written by:

Mystic Meg

"I see the numbers 5, 12, 23, 41, 42 and 46"

Some people may know that I am a bit of a Mystic Meg, so here are my predictions for the 2011/12 season.

  • Bebe to score 25 goals at Besiktas.
  • 7 Premier League managers to be sacked.
  • Fernando Torres to score less than 15 goals in all competitions.
  • Number 20.
  • Wayne Rooney to become addicted to hair transplants and unveil his ‘Andy Carroll’
  • Swansea, Wigan and Newcastle to be relegated.
  • David Platt’s forehead to declare independence from England.
  • Darren Bent to get the Golden Boot.
  • The most goals to be scored in the history of the Premiership.
  • Youssouf Mulumbu to be the most booked Premier League player.
  • Jack Wilshere to be arrested 3 times.
  • Alex Song to receive the most red cards.
  • Tom Cleverley to get an International cap.
  • Neil Warnock to win the most manager of the month awards.
  • Mario Balotelli to wear Velcro boots due to his difficultly tying laces.
  • Antonio Valencia to lead the assists table.
  • Robin Van Persie to win Player of the season.
  • Fabio Da Silva to win Young Player of the season.
  • Neil Warnock to win Manager of the season.
  • Fulham to win the Fair Play league.
  • Norwich to come bottom of the fair play league.
  • Darron Gibson to score a 30 yard screamer against Manchester United at Old Trafford.
  • Gary Neville and Mike Summerbee to come to blows live on Sky Sports on derby day.
  • Arsenal to win the FA cup.
  • Spurs to win the Carling Cup.
  • Manchester United to win the Champions League.
  • Ashley Cole to upgrade to a Bazooka and take out 39 work experience guys at the training ground.
  • Manchester City to finish out side the Top 4.
  • Oliver Holt to finally get a haircut.
  • 356 Super injunctions.
  • 1 club to go in to administration.
  • Kolo Toure to test positive for excess Dolly Mixture and receive a life sweet shop ban.
  • QPR to get in to Europe.
  • The RSPCB to warn Arsene Wenger about his behaviour towards the teams water bottles.
  • Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Spurs to make up the Top 4.
  • An inflatable sheep to score against Liverpool for Swansea.
  • Manchester City to open their own Tattoo Parlour. Unfortunately, they hire a dyslexic tattoo artist.
  • Ivory Coast to win the African Cup of Nations.
  • Lazio to win the Europa League.
  • Justin Mottershead to finally buy a round. (that’ll never happen.ed)