Date: 6th July 2011 at 10:10am
Written by:

Ravel Morrison

The United youngster has plumbed new depths

In yet another disgusting display of unbridled arrogance, career criminal and occasional footballer Ravel “G-Dog” Morrison donated money to the Royal Children’s Hospital yesterday.

Morrison was in court after a judge who’d previously sentenced Morrison to a £600 fine, for the despicable act of rowing with his girlfriend, realised that he actually had no legal grounds to do so.

A source I made up earlier this morning told me:

“People like Morrison make me sick, does he really think that giving money to a kid’s hospital is acceptable behaviour? He should be sent to live on an island somewhere with Cher Lloyd and that bloke from Changing Rooms.”

The comically named Judge Finestein –and I’m not actually making that bit up – had issued Morrison with a fine when it turned out he had no right to do so.
The FA are reportedly livid that a judge is letting the fact he hasn’t got the power to do something, stop him from punishing Manchester United as it’s never stopped them before.

The Manchester Evening News took time out from running petitions to keep Carlos Tevez at City to report:

“The fine was replaced with an absolute discharge, allowing the referral order to continue.

“District Judge Finestein said: “Because the sentence was a genuine mistake, I think I would have the power to pass a different type of sentence.”

“He warned Morrison – one of United’s brightest hopes who scored to help his team win the FA Youth Cup in May – that the referral order was now back in place and he would face jail if he breached it. “

Morrison’s decision to donate the returned fine of £600 to charity is the latest in a long line of vile acts from so-called United ‘stars.’

Only last season Wayne Rooney was rightly chastised in the media for having the temerity to visit five year old Jack Marshall in the hospital while the youngster was being treated for a brain tumour.

A spokesman for the Charitable United Need To Stop organisation said: “This latest action by another Manure player is yet another example of why society is ruined.”

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22 responses to “Ravel Morrison In ‘Children’s Hospital Donation Scandal’”

  1. CP says:

    I don’t understand this article. Is this an attempt at satire? Its amazingly pathetic

  2. CanFan says:

    Ha Ha – thats a cracking piece of writing . To paint so many truths from untruths – Art man

  3. Joshua says:

    What a rubbish blog!! No where close to being humorous

  4. Funda Madoda says:

    The writer is an idiot.

  5. Danny Lewis says:

    what is the point of this article? you might be better off writing poetry mate cause this is crap and not even funny. To turn a childrens hospital into a joke you the bigger idiot

    • Steve Crabtree says:

      Couldn’t agree more – turning a children’s hospital in to a joke is appalling.

      Thank God that wasn’t done in this article.

  6. harryishear says:

    That’s just the short of nonsense the national press would print. I remember reading how Rooney was out of order for seeking good publicity by visitng that sick lad. Keep up the good work!

  7. Georgio says:

    Maybe you’re just too subtle for your readers. Really loved the article once I realised you were taking the piss . . . or not when you think of the way United are unfairly punished!

  8. wiuru says:

    No comment.

  9. Bredred says:

    The composer of this article is an idiot. What right has he to set himself up as judge, jury and executioner.

    I thought this page was all about keeping the Red Flag Flying high, NOT making ultra negativer comments about promising players.

    I wonder if the author, Oliver Hole (If that is his real name) is such asn angel to have never done anything wrong. If he has not, maybe he should be supporting a Lily White team like Spurs or Leeds.

    (I’m a Salford lad and deffo no lily white, ask anyone who went to school with me, either a F or a F on the way to school, invariably both.)

    Go climb in your Hole Oliver and take your vile poluterd brain, if you have one, with you.

    Bredred

    • Danski says:

      He is clearly joking! It’s called satire. Were you dropped at birth? He is mocking the press for always running down Morrison.

  10. bruce thomas says:

    It’s not hard to spot the blue muppets from the comments above when confronted with a very funny and very accurate piss take.