Date: 31st August 2011 at 4:33pm
Written by:
Moscow 2008

"Who the f*ck are Man United?"

The football world was left stunned this afternoon after it emerged Manchester City were about to launch an unprecedented twelve squillion pounds bid for the entire 2008 United side.

After securing the services of Owen Hargreaves and keeping hold of Carlos Tevez because no one actually wants to pay his wages, City are keen to add the rest of the squad.

Despite both Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney ignoring overtures from the world’s richest club TM in the past, in favour of staying at two of the world’s biggest clubs, City’s owners have not been disheartened.

A source from Stockport said: “City are massive club and have realised that United’s success of 2008 can be emulated by us now, so why not buy the entire side? We can afford it. No one moaned when United forked out £30 million for Wayne Rooney, or Rio Ferdinand. United aren’t even from Manchester anyway, if City won the Champions League, we’d be the first true Mancunian side to win it, when Mancini, Toure, Tevez or Kompany lift the trophy.”

City’s bid began with a phone call this morning to try and tempt both Edwin Van Der Sar and Paul Scholes out of retirement by buying them the city of Amsterdam and the town of Oldham respectively.

However City’s attempts are likely to end in disappointment after Michel Platini revealed that only Paris Saint Germain are allowed to spend billions on a former Champions League winning squads.

Speaking from his car in the car park Harry Redknapp labeled City’s bid : “Impressive.”

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12 responses to “Manchester City In Last Gasp Bid For Entire 2008 Double Winning Side”

  1. Jack says:

    WE have enough bench warmers

  2. zipster says:

    well you’re a proper jealous cunt aren’t you.

  3. john says:

    fuckin hilarious,i nearly laughed

  4. jaun shet dos Plenty says:

    Hargreaves was an expensive signing, and just like Tevez he is going to City and we don’t get a penny for him, let alone “a squillion quid”. All we did was pay his medical bills for City

    City get him for free, on a pay-as-you-play deal. We let tevez go because “he doesn’t score enough goals”, but he has scored more goals in the 2 years since he left than anyone else in the premiership.

    We really should stop boasting every time we lose a great player to City.

  5. bob hoskins says:

    Rooney didn’t ignore us – he’s a mercenary, he’d have gone anywhere if you hadn’t broken your pay structure to prevent him humiliating you – which he did anyway.

    You couldn’t keep Ronaldo either. He obviously didn’t like the vibe at the club either.

    You lot are oblivious to the oblivion you’re stood right next too. Lemmings.

  6. Blue says:

    bitter wank@rs
    CTID

  7. tublu says:

    you must have worked for literaly some seconds to come up with this. obsessed ? I’d say so.

  8. Ryder says:

    cumon guys, give us a break…is this supposed to be ‘breaking news’… You can do beta than this…seriously.

  9. HeavyRiffs says:

    Nice try, Hargreaves on a pay as you play deal is a win/win for everyone. Other than that, why would we want old, dead wood?