Has there ever been a luckier man that Mister Stuart Pearce?
From plumber to England Captain in barely than 10 years,
Racially abusing a fellow professional player was lower than slime,
Pearce’s only defence: “it wasn’t appropriate at that time.”
Not to crucify the man for a solitary mistake,
But the amount of errors he’s made could fill Lancaster Gate.
His time in charge at Eastlands was at best unmemorable and unsteady,
Although what must players think when a manager’s assistant is his daughter’s stuffed teddy?
Somehow after being sacked from City he found himself in charge of the nation’s young side,
A penalty loss in the semis of the Euros let the world know he’d arrived,
In 2009 he went one step further but by his own admission,
Taking only three strikers helped lead to a German demolition.
In 2011 Pearce caused many a frown,
Not helped by his confusion and the under-21 skipper merry-go-round,
Pearce promised results yet for all his bluster,
Two draws and a loss was all he could muster.
As Fabio’s assistant he simply quelled the Italian’s superstitions.
Up and down off his seat with little or no intuition.
Then came the England caretaker job thankfully for only one game,
Although an England victory could have put Pearce in the frame,
The nation expected perhaps a little too much,
As Pearce’s hopeless charges went down 3-2 to the Dutch.
Thankfully lucky Pearce was given another role,
Taking care of Team GB, handed total control,
Yet what should’ve been straightforward turned into a circus,
As the new Team GB boss made a huge list with little purpose.
191 names were inexplicably chosen, god love it,
Seven of whom told Pearce where to shove it.
Then came the final contradiction from Pearce, who’s not very smart,
Shortlisting Goldenballs before breaking his heart.
Football reasons was Pearce’s explanation,
Although that hardly mattered to a disappointed nation.
Pearce said he won’t pander to anyone, including the big wigs,
Yet can someone explain the footballing reasons behind the inclusion of Ryan Giggs?
So, with a heavy heart I’ll watch Team GB expecting neither triumph nor glory,
With Pearce at the helm, it’ll probably be yet another disappointing, confusing story.