How Wayne Rooney Won The Election For Barack Obama

Thousands of hours worth of television ads shown, billions of dollars spent, months of campaigning by both candidates yet the outcome of the 2012 Presidential election came down to a 27 year-old footballer from Croxteth, Merseyside.

Up until a few weeks ago it seemed that Republican candidate Mitt Romney was about to usurp Barack Obama as the new leader of the free world. A sterling performance in the first televised debate had seen the GOP nominee’s ratings soar, while questions surrounding the economy, Libya and Obama-care still hung over the president like the sword of Damocles.

Yet on the 24th of October the entire election swung back in Obama’s favour thanks to a tweet from Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney.

Rooney tweeted:

From that moment on the election was a foregone conclusion as Wazza’s political knowhow side stepped the Republican defenders before firing an unstoppable shot of election victory into the goal bag of the Presidency.

Speaking after casting her vote in the crucial swing state of Ohio Kendria Washington noted:

“I wasn’t even gonna vote to be honest, I’ve become disillusioned with both parties but when I saw what Manchester striker Wayne Rooney was saying, I just had to vote Obama.”

Another voter Corporal Willie Fuchs said: “I’ve been voting Republican all my life as have most of my family, this election was going to be no different as I’m angry at the way the economy has gone.

However once I heard that Wayne Rooney from the Manchester Devils was voting Obama, it was a no-brainer for me.”

In a bizarre twist rumour has it that statistician Nate Silver who correctly predicted the outcome of every state’s vote, may have been receiving information via text from Rooney.

A spokesman close to Silver said: “It’s true Silver has been in communication with Rooney, but this was one another matter and had noting to do with the election.”

Rooney was said to be impressed with Obama’s answers during the debate, relating to the economy, as the United striker is well known to be a keen studier of US fiscal policies.

An insider from the club said: “Many of Wazza’s team mates, are always joking with him about his love of US politics, he’s constantly got his head in the latest campaign literature, his nickname in the dressing room is “Wolf” after the CNN host.”

Both Democrats and Republicans have now launched a pre-emptive campaign to try and persuade Rooney to influence the 2016 election in their favour.

Meanwhile on Capitol Hill many Republicans are lamenting Rooney’s “game changing” tweet. A source close to Karl Rove said:
“We’ve not given up on the this election just yet, there are still some ballots yet to be counted, we feel it’s premature to call it for Obama.”