Date:12th May 2011 at 1:16am
Written by:

Sir Alex Ferguson

Sir Alex hangs his head in shame after yet another disappointing season

This season has been one of the most exciting for years , with still a lot to be decided in the league.

However, we have also seen a lot of hypocrisy rear its ugly head (Ok, not as ugly as John Terry, but still ugly)

Firstly, I would like to congratulate Manchester City on gaining that prized Champions League place. You have achieved a lot this season in the best league in the World.

It is an amazing feat that has only taken a net spend of just over 300 million pounds, a whole lot of luck and Spurs going from playing like AC Milan to playing like A.C Slater. You guys can be proud of yourselves and should celebrate (Perhaps a Tattoo along the lines of ‘Champions League Winners 11/12’ is in order)

Us United fans have nothing to celebrate though. We have won the league. However, this is the worse Manchester United team for years, the league is the worse for years and we only won because Chelsea went off the boil for 2 months. Any other year and we would not have won. Shame on us for winning the league.

Secondly, well done to Liverpool. You were close to the bottom of the league, then King Kenny came a long and has got you to close to where you were last season. It only took spending close to 55 million pounds on 2 strikers (And that only happened because Chelsea paid over the odds for El Nil-o) You must be happy at the progress you have made.

Arsenal on the other hand have nothing to be proud of. Challenging for the league all season, a cup final and still a chance of second. What a disaster. Sack Wenger, sell Fabregas, and sacrifice Robin Van Persie to the God of football. I bet all Arsenal fans wish they supported Liverpool.

Thirdly, congrats to Gareth Bale. Half a good season, a few goals and a couple of assists. What a world beater. In fact, have an award. Oh, you got one? Player of The Season? Wow.

Nani on the other hand, you should be ashamed. You were only consistently good for three quarters of the season, chipping in with goals and assists. Your form only dropped after a horror tackle from Jamie ‘Dog-Face Assassin’ Carragher. You should take you Premier League medal, give up football and take up crochet.

Fourthly, shame on you Stoke for using your Rugby tactics. You guys are so rough, why can’t you play nicely like the boys at Arsenal?

What? Arsenal are second bottom of the Fair Play league? Erm, sorry, I didn’t see it.

Fifthly, I can’t believe you Wolves fans. How dare you steal ‘The Poznan’. The Manchester City fans have been using that for years, they invented it. In-fact, I think they have patented it. They have every right to be annoyed.

Who? Lech Poznan? City stole it from them only a few months back? I’m sorry, I don’t believe it.

Sixthly, well done Karren Brady. Nice spot you have got yourself there on The Apprentice. The contestants are really lucky to have the chance to listen to your financial/business expertise. It’s priceless.

But West Ham are in a Financial state. Their wages to turnover rate is unsustainable. The Chairmen couldn’t run a bath. Karren…………..You’re Fired!

And Finally. Manchester United are a team in decline. We have no money, no star player and City are there to knock us off our perch.

We will have to console ourselves with a record 19th league title and the chance of another European Cup.

*Disclaimer – If United fall apart and lose the last 2 games, lose the league and get hammered in the Champions League then a few of the points are not relevant, and I will become a Nun.