According to pretend sources close to the clowns at Lancaster Gate the FA are determined to punish Rooney for what they consider a flagrant disregard for their rules and regulations.
“Imagine if his new barnet contributes to a goal as a defender stops to admire it, or the ball skims off it, surely this sets a dangerous precedent that must be stopped.”
Although there are no actual rules stopping Premiership footballers having cosmetic surgery, the FA are confident they can simply make some up as they have done in the past.
As in the case of ‘sweargate’ FA bigwigs are devising a cunning plan which will result in Rooney being punished despite not breaking any known rules.
Our source said: “As they did several years ago in the Amsterdam tournament, the FA love nothing more than knowing Rooney will be suspended before the seasons even started.”
Sasa Curcic declined to comment.