Date: 4th June 2011 at 7:07pm
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Wayne Rooney

Wazza in typical scouse haired pose

The Football Association have held crisis talks over whether to suspend United and England striker Wayne Rooney, following news he has undergone hair surgery.

According to pretend sources close to the clowns at Lancaster Gate the are determined to punish Rooney for what they consider a flagrant disregard for their rules and regulations.

Our source said: R;Agent Bernstein and his followers Rooney’s new hair will give him an advantage over Premier League defences, an advantage he’s not entitled to.

R;Imagine if his new barnet contributes to a goal as a defender stops to admire it, or the ball skims off it, surely this sets a dangerous precedent that must be stopped.”

Although there are no actual rules stopping Premiership footballers having cosmetic surgery, the are confident they can simply make some up as they have done in the past.

As in the case of ‘sweargate’ bigwigs are devising a cunning plan which will result in Rooney being punished despite not breaking any known rules.

Our source said: R;As they did several years ago in the Amsterdam tournament, the love nothing more than knowing Rooney will be suspended before the seasons even started.”

Sasa Curcic declined to comment.

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