Date: 16th September 2011 at 12:46pm
Written by:
Garry Cook

Cook -off to the job centre

Hallelujah. Football is officially back. With the start of the Champions League and that piece of music that gives every football loving person goosebumps, the season has officially started for real.

Barcelona struggled in their first game. Conceding goals in the first and last minute meant they only got a draw in their first game. They also became the first ever defending champions to concede the first goal of the group stages.

Chelsea started their Champions league season off with a win. The 2-0 win was made more noticeable by the fact that John Terry and Frank Lampard were left out of the starting eleven. Fernando Torres was seen ringing his wife at half time to see if Terry had popped round.

Arsenal continued their good form with a 1-1 draw against Borussia Dortmund. Arsene Wenger had to watch on from the stands, as he started his two game touch line ban, imposed for talking to someone.

Both teams from Manchester recorded a 1-1 draw in their first game of the group stages. Manchester ‘Better Than Barcelona’ City failing to win their first ever Champions League game and one of the easiest one they will have this season. Mike Summerbee almost imploded with all the excitement.

Inter Milan were humbled by Trabzonspor at the San Siro. A goal near the end by Ondrej Celustka, a name worth 28 points in scrabble, condemned Inter to their third successive defeat. It would seem that the legal battle between Celtic and Sion is finally over. Celtic will now play in the Europa League. Some call it an early Christmas present for Celtic, who ironically, will be out of the Europa League by Christmas.

Dispatches promised us this week, that they would uncover a top class football who secretly served a ban for failing a drugs test. In the end, they named the world class striker Gary O’Connor. At least we can be certain these were not performance enhancing drugs.

There was more discussion this week about Andy Carroll and his ‘Lifestyle’. Carroll, upon hearing all this, was so shocked, he almost dropped his pint.

The whole footballing world mourned……. no cried……… no celebrated the resignation……… no mutual termination…….. no sacking of Gary Cook. City are now on the look out for a more suave, media savvy and intelligent CEO. Boris Johnson is due for an interview on Friday.