Date:5th September 2011 at 4:50pm
Written by:
Garry Cook

Cook -managing to keep his mouth shut for once

While even the most ardent Red is now forced to admit the constant comedy our Blue neighbours provided for around 20 years has now become less frequent due to their new found wealth, thankfully there’s still a lot of laughs to be had thanks to the actions of their Chief Executive Garry Cook.

Normally Cook provides a bit of light relief, but his latest misdemeanour- although he’s naturally claiming it’s  nothing to do with him- is actually anything but funny.

According to reports in the Sun, an email mocking City defender Nedum Onouha’s cancer stricken mum, was sent to her  from Cook instead of the intended recipient Brian Marwood.

This is the latest in a string of gaffes from Cook who seems to embarrass the club- and amuse United fans -almost every time he opens his gob.

Here’s a top ten of his cock-ups since he took over as Chief Executive at the world’s richest club- shame they can’t buy themselves a bit of class really.

10.  United erm I mean City. Inducting Uwe Rosler into the Manchester City hall  of fame Cook said to disbelieving fans: “I’d like to welcome Uwe Rosler into the Manchester United Hall of Fame.” He was roundly booed and jeered.

9. 75, 000 at Eastlands in the next eight years. When FIFA’s World Cup delegates visited Manchester, they saw both Old Trafford- which was being touted as an obvious Semi final venue and Eastlands. Cook claimed with a straight face that by 2018, City’s stadium could have a bigger capacity than United’s. Only another 29,000 seats to add then.

8. Human rights? Who cares, he’s good at golf.  Speaking of Thaksin Shinawatra who was accused of human rights violations and corruption while Premier of Thailand Cook said:

“Is he a nice guy? Yes. Is he a great guy to play golf with? Yes. Whether he’s guilty of something over there, I can’t worry too much about. “

7. Pants on fire.  After rather bizarrely comparing Mark Hughes to Michael Jordan and claiming that he had the support of the club, Cook oversaw the sacking of the former United striker. To add insult to injury Cook then claimed the club had been ‘nothing but transparent’ with Hughes’ even though it later emerged Roberto Mancini had been spoken to three full weeks before Hughes was given the Spanish archer.

6. The grassy knoll.  Cook thought he’d diffuse the fall out from Hughes departure with a well prepared press conference. Unfortunately for him the one he gave to the press seem neither prepared nor did it go well. Forgetting the correct use of the English language Cook stated while banging his fist on the desk: “there are no conspiracy theories” erm, actually there were, hence the reason your giving a press conference. Cook’s performance was so poor many called for him to join Hughes at the job centre.

5. Samir Nasri ‘cool guy’ handshake. This is David Brent-esque in its cringe worthiness. As Nasri arrived at Eastlands to finalise his move to City Cook greeted him in his office with the words “how are you brother?” followed by a ‘street’ handshake similar to one you’d expect to see at the latest Bullingdon Club Candlelit Supper. Check it out at the end of this vid.

4. Transfer targets on Noel Gallagher’s napkin. What more discreet and appropriate way to divulge your transfer targets than scribbling them on a pop star’s napkin at dinner.

Gallagher revealed:

‘Garry was writing out these names on a napkin, about who was going to be in the squad.

‘Players coming and going, and where they are going to and where they are coming from.

‘He put it down on paper, and the 24-man squad we will have will be looking to win everything next season.’

I somehow can’t imagine David Gill doing something similar to Ian Brown

 3. Comedy gold. Anyone who thought I may have been being a tad harsh when I spoke of City’s comedy value, just heed Cook’s wise words back in 2009. “Comedy has always been at the heart of what this club is all about.”  I couldn”t agree more mate.

2. Bottling it. What better way to show that despite your billions you’ve still got a lot of class than by insulting one of the world’s top clubs for not selling you their best player. When Kaka said ‘no thanks’ to the Eastlands project Cook threw his toys well and truly out of the pram, declaring:

“If you want my personal opinion they bottled it,”

“He clearly was for sale but we never got to meet with the player, the behaviour of AC Milan got in the way.”

Cook added : “It’s a shame he won’t be able to join us on our journey.”  Perhaps that journey with Cook ends at Ramptons.

1. Mystic Meg. Cook’s speech to a New York supporter’s club is the stuff of legend. Before United and City clashed in the Carling Cup semi final second leg at Old Trafford in 2010 Cook said: “Not if but when were at Wembley having  beat Man United yet again.” Sir Alex Ferguson reportedly used the video as an inspiration to  his players as they went out and beat City at Old Trafford for the second time that season thanks to a last minute winner.

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