Date: 4th April 2014 at 4:27am
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German taste in music is second to none.

German taste in music is more flawless than their football.

The list of midfielders United have failed to acquire these past few seasons is becoming something of a coveted register, a place where any decent central player worth his salt wants to find themselves at least once during a season. When United fail to sign you, that’s when you know you’ve truly made it on the world stage. Bayern Munich’s Toni Kroos is the latest world class midfielder United won’t be signing this Summer, a player who can join the likes of Ander Herrera, Cesc Fabregas, Wesley Sneijder, Sami Khedira and Arturo Vidal on the bus not destined for Old Trafford. 

Or so it would seem….as there may be a way to tempt one of Germany’s most talented midfielders to the Theatre of Dreams and it isn’t the lure of Europa League football. Essex cheeky chappy and all round massive United fan Olly Murs could be the key to bagging Kroos as it’s emerged the Bayern Munich midfielder is a huge fan of the hat wearing X-Factor finalist.

On Twitter Kroos follows a mere 18 people, but you can bet all your winnings from backing United to avoid the drop that Olly Murs is one of them. All it would take for United to seal the deal, is a quick DM – that’s direct message, not ‘David Moyes’ from Caroline Flack’s former squeeze and before you know it Kroos would without doubt be a United player- maybe even an impromptu concert next week in Munich by Murs could well and truly seal the deal.

Before Kroos is telling Guardiola ‘Please Don’t Let Me Go’ thanks to Murs he could well and truly have shaken off his recent ‘Troublemaker’ tag and before you know it have David Moyes telling everyone his ‘Heart Skips a Beat’ with the news he’s acquired the Munich maestro all thanks to Murs and is catchy pop tunes and likeable jaunty persona.

Not since one-time topper of the German charts David Hasselhoff convinced Jurgen Klinsmann to join his beloved Tottenham Hotspur has the hopes of an English side’s fortunes rested solely on the Fatherland’s predilection for radio-friendly pop geniuses.

Dear Diary, please forgive my writing, but I can’t stop my hands from shaking at the prospect of Kroos joining the Reds thanks to Murs….