Date: 7th May 2011 at 2:13pm
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Chelsea striker Fernando Torres has given the club a huge lift by requesting not to be considered in the starting XI for tommorow’s crunch clash.

A made up source close to the club said:

“El Zero’s sat down with Ancelotti and they’ve both decided that as this is a game Chelsea need to win- and therefore obviously score goals, it’s best if he sits this one out.”

Torres has been in scintilating form since his £50 million move to the Bridge with some superb running and applauding the fans when he’s been subbed.

His recent goal against the mighty West Ham means that Roman Abramovich is now laughing in the faces of those who questioned spending such a huge amount on a player who’s looked abysmal for the best part of nine months.

Torres  display against Spurs last week, where he was so quick  and nimble no one actually realised he was a playing, until he was substituted to give Chelsea a chance of scoring, is another example of how £50 million is looking like money well spent.

Torres latest act of benevolence will only endear him even more to the Chelsea faithful who’ve quickly warmed to the former Liverpool striker’s hair do and warming up technique.

News that Torres won’t be starting has already dealt a devastating blow to United who were hoping to use their one man advantage. The fact the United defence will have to deal with potential goalscorers has thrown Sir Alex Ferguson’s plans into chaos.

A imaginary source close to the club said:

All week the United team have been practicing playing against ten men or just with a traffic cone as an opponent.

“With Torres unlikely to start it means Sir Alex will have to abandon plans of playing three men in defence or even giving Rio Ferdinand the afternoon off.”

Rumours that Torres would be utilised in a half time oranges distribution role were described by a Chelsea source as “ridiculous”.



17 responses to “Torres Gives Chelsea Boost By Asking Not To Start Title Decider”

  1. CelticCrazy says:

    Good Banter!
    Ignore all the killjoys!

  2. Slippa says:


    Selling Torres for £50 million was the best bit of business done in football history on our part. I’m just pleased we got suarez and carroll when we did and not wait as it could’ve been a very different story for us.

    What Liverpool have acheived since the arrival of Kenny is nothing short of amazing and quite frankly i dont give a kahoot what anyone else thinks or says cos the proof is in the pudding.

    They talk of giving Kenny a knighthood – i didn’t think you could knight a king!