Date:20th July 2011 at 5:30pm
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Murdoch avoiding some more custard pies

In the wake of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, media mogul Rupert Murdoch is set to lay the blame firmly at Manchester United’s door.

An imaginary source close to the Australian tycoon told us: “Rupert’s well aware from his previous attempt to takeover Man United just how hated the club are by the powers that be. Maybe it’s because of their unprecedented success, huge fan base, or Gary Neville, but whatever the reason, he knows blaming them will get him off the hook.”

Although there’s no evidence to support such a claim Murdoch is set to announce to a House of Commons select committee that:

Sir Alex Ferguson, made his editors resort to such methods due to the pressure he exerted on reporters at his press conferences.

Gordon Brown’s bank records were only accessed as it was believed he’d been secretly funding the wages of Darren Fletcher.

Rebekah Brooks isn’t even really ginger she just dyed her hair in attempt to look more like Paul Scholes.

Not since Rafa Benitez unleashed his ‘facts’ has the football world been left so stunned.

In another shocking twist it’s been revealed that the Sun’s -alleged- attempts to hack into Wayne Rooney’s phone proved completely fruitless.

An insider told us: “All that was picked up in phone conversations was a series of barely decipherable sounds that would take a team of linguistic experts at least a month to crack.”