Date: 6th July 2011 at 10:10am
Written by:

Ravel Morrison

The United youngster has plumbed new depths

In yet another disgusting display of unbridled arrogance, career criminal and occasional footballer Ravel “G-Dog” Morrison donated money to the Royal Children’s Hospital yesterday.

Morrison was in court after a judge who’d previously sentenced Morrison to a £600 fine, for the despicable act of rowing with his girlfriend, realised that he actually had no legal grounds to do so.

A source I made up earlier this morning told me:

“People like Morrison make me sick, does he really think that giving money to a kid’s hospital is acceptable behaviour? He should be sent to live on an island somewhere with Cher Lloyd and that bloke from Changing Rooms.”

The comically named Judge Finestein –and I’m not actually making that bit up – had issued Morrison with a fine when it turned out he had no right to do so.
The FA are reportedly livid that a judge is letting the fact he hasn’t got the power to do something, stop him from punishing Manchester United as it’s never stopped them before.

The Manchester Evening News took time out from running petitions to keep Carlos Tevez at City to report:

“The fine was replaced with an absolute discharge, allowing the referral order to continue.

“District Judge Finestein said: “Because the sentence was a genuine mistake, I think I would have the power to pass a different type of sentence.”

“He warned Morrison – one of United’s brightest hopes who scored to help his team win the FA Youth Cup in May – that the referral order was now back in place and he would face jail if he breached it. “

Morrison’s decision to donate the returned fine of £600 to charity is the latest in a long line of vile acts from so-called United ‘stars.’

Only last season Wayne Rooney was rightly chastised in the media for having the temerity to visit five year old Jack Marshall in the hospital while the youngster was being treated for a brain tumour.

A spokesman for the Charitable United Need To Stop organisation said: “This latest action by another Manure player is yet another example of why society is ruined.”



22 responses to “Ravel Morrison In ‘Children’s Hospital Donation Scandal’”

  1. chudic says:

    maybe the writer was suffering from a combination of migraine and schizophrenia.
    What a piece of sensiless write up.
    This is crap.

  2. Steve Crabtree says:

    In confused.

    How do people miss the context of this article, yet seem to be able to log on to a computer.

    Top article, Oliver Hole….if that’s your real name 😉

  3. dk says:

    i don’t see the funny side when i saw the last sentence.

  4. WM says:

    Wow, some of you are really quite dumb! The author has written a satirical article… god forbid you guys ever read something like Private Eye

  5. Saeed says:

    Very funny, I thought it was serious, ha ha ha

  6. Imam says:

    A lot of people need to relax. It’s a joke for everyone’s sake. 🙂

  7. tetters says:

    To the ppl saying this is not funny or it’s sick making fun of childrens hospitals……..go back to the Citeh/Murderers boards as thats obviously where your from.

    Absolute genious Oliver, to quote CanFan “To paint so many truths from untruths – Art man”

  8. Babak says:



    classic. Oliver Holt is an top grade a** hole btw.

  9. confused says:

    …… what? giving money to a childrens hospital is vile?? your a fuking nob