Date: 31st August 2011 at 4:33pm
Written by:
Moscow 2008

"Who the f*ck are Man United?"

The football world was left stunned this afternoon after it emerged Manchester were about to launch an unprecedented twelve squillion pounds bid for the entire 2008 United side.

After securing the services of Owen Hargreaves and keeping hold of Carlos Tevez because no one actually wants to pay his wages, are keen to add the rest of the squad.

Despite both Cristiano and Wayne Rooney ignoring overtures from the world’s richest club TM in the past, in favour of staying at two of the world’s biggest clubs, City’s owners have not been disheartened.

A source from Stockport said: are and have realised that United’s success of 2008 can be emulated by us now, so why not buy the entire side? We can afford it. No one moaned when United forked out £30 million for Wayne Rooney, or Ferdinand. United aren’t even from Manchester anyway, if won the Champions League, we’d be the first true Mancunian side to win it, when Mancini, Toure, Tevez or Kompany lift the trophy.”

City’s bid began with a phone call this morning to try and tempt both Edwin Van Der Sar and out of retirement by buying them the of Amsterdam and the town of Oldham respectively.

However City’s attempts are likely to end in disappointment after Michel Platini revealed that only Paris Saint Germain are allowed to spend billions on a former Champions League winning squads.

Speaking from his car in the car park Harry Redknapp labeled City’s bid : “Impressive.”

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