Date: 16th November 2011 at 9:32pm
Written by:

Never has a modern day United team photo contained so much hair...

Going back a few years, there were certain United players who perhaps thought that they were cool, hip and trendy and decided it’d be a good idea to grow some sort of facial hair monstrosity around their mouth.  They didn’t have the excuse of Movember to fall back on back then, and although some of it was better than others, some of it was downright disgraceful and how they went out in public is beyond me.

To celebrate Movember, the month where men all round the world are growing their ‘mo for male cancer, we look at five Reds who, at some period during their career at Old Trafford thought that by not shaving, they looked cool.  We marked them out of five for their efforts…

1 out of 5

Peter Schmeichel

OK – the big man wasn’t renowned for his facial hair, and whilst not essentially a moustache, the Great Dane did sport an invisi-goatee when we won the treble in 1999.

Whether fans have chosen to forget the hideous non-shaved efforts of the big man is another story, but because he was so blonde it was barely noticeable!  Should Schmeichel have taken the hair off his chin, I don’t think he’d have raised much money for Movember, as you had to look too closely to see if it was already there on his top lip.

Movember mark…1/5

4 out of 5

Remi Moses

Remi was signed by Ron Atkinson at the same time as the capture of Bryan Robson in 1981.  More famed for his Afro hairstyle, Remi went through phases of being clean shaven, having a goatee, or just plain simple mo’.  Hard as nails, nowadays you wouldn’t joke with Remi about his tash, and instead you would happily sponsor him for this fantastic cause.

When Moses was forced to retire in 1988 through injury, it coincided with one of the times that he had a moustache on his top lip and so is fondly remembered by me during the month of November.

Movember mark…4/5

3 out of 5

Paul Ince

When Ince joined united from West Ham in 1988, the cockney wide boy had a cockney spiv style moustache above his top lip.

A dodgy, soul-glo afro at the same time, he wasn’t the trendiest guy at Old Trafford, and his jackets of 1993 proved this.  However he did quickly grow out of his un- fashionable ways, and by 1994 the moustache had gone.  I don’t think it has appeared since.

With this in mind, Ince would not be a good advert for November, and I don’t think he would raise much money for prostate cancer.

Movember mark…3/5

2 out of 5

Juan Sebastian Veron

Seba was £30m worth of Argentinian goatee beard when he signed for the Reds in the summer of 2001.

A world class player with world class facial hair, he failed to adapt to English football which is a shame as throughout his United career his goatee beard remained intact.  If he was with us now he would have to shave a little of his chin to ensure that he was following the Movember rules though. Because he’s such a well known player all over the world, he would have raised a lot of money for November and male cancer.

Movember mark…2/5

6 out of 5. First class.

Clayton Blackmore

I wonder how many Reds remember the Blackmore tash?

I’ve saved the best till last for this one, as I know that Clayton Blackmore had as many different image changes as he did positions when he was at Old Trafford.

The one image in particular that I am referring to dates from 1986/87, when a permed, blonde highlighted and slightly tanned Clayton Blackmore turned up to the club photo shoot with the dodgiest moustache to ever grace Manchester.  There is simply no words to describe Clayton Blackmore as he looks here, however the photograph is plainly obvious that he is Manchester United’s best ever advert for Movember.

If he were still with the Reds, he would have raised MILLIONS of pounds on his own with that monstrosity, and would probably raise the most amount of money for prostate cancer than any man ever has.

Clayton Blackmore I applaud you for having the nerve to make a choice like this, for no reason whatsoever, when for just one month men all round the world are struggling, not enjoying, and trying to grow a dodgy moustache similar to yours from 1986.

Movember mark…6/5!!

IMPORTANT: If every reader of this piece were able to donate just £1.00 to Movember, it would add to the ever growing funds towards changing the face of men’s health worldwide.

Everyone has been touched by cancer in one way or another, and it’s the biggest killer on this planet.

I’m aiming to do a Clayton Blackmore, and it’s nothing to do with my affection for sunbeds.  I’ve donated my top lip to Movember, and if you would like to see how I’m doing and donate any amount you can please click on this link:

Just £1.00 from everybody who reads this article will make a difference.

And guys…before you go to bed tonight…check yourself.  And if something’s not right down there, visit your doctor.

Follow me on twitter: @stevecrab


2 responses to “Hairy Times for Manchester United…”

  1. RedScot says:

    What a great article and a fantastic cause to increase awareness and but of course, the Sheckles!.
    On looking at the ‘mug’ shots I am left thinking most of the ‘lads’ faces bear the imprint of the last woman who sat on it.A tache is not for me, gracias.
    The last time I was at the Doctors she was sticking her finger up my Arse checking for God knows what.I was just dissapointed she just had a plain lurex glove on not the one’s that are all nobbly.Pmsl.
    Ps I am checking myself just now!.
    Point taken about the article,back to work and writing satire.

    • Haha thanks mate…there hasn’t been many United players with moustaches down the years…would have been easy to write a top 20 if it were a site about another team in red!