Date:6th April 2012 at 11:59pm
Written by:
Mario Balotelli

Mario -following in Wazza's footsteps for all the wrong reasons

What a great week for Manchester United. After City dropped points, at home, to Sunderland, Manchester United beat Blackburn, 2-0, to open up a 5 point gap at the top of the table. If City drop points against Arsenal at the weekend, it may be an imaginary white flag, that Mancini starts to wave.

During the 2-0 win against Blackburn, Antonio Valencia became the quickest player in the world, with the ball at his feet. He clocked an incredible 35km/h, beating the previous recored set by Cristiano Ronaldo. However, he is still well short, of the speed clocked up by Piers Morgan, at a buffet, with the plate in his hands.

There was some humor on Sunday, with Liverpool’s visit to Newcastle. With Liverpool trailing 2-0, and the game drifting away, Pepe Reina decided to throw a headbut in the direction of James Perch and got himself sent off. In true Liverpool style, the headbut was slow, lacked cutting edge and wasn’t as strong as headbutts were in the 80’s, but Perch fell to floor like, well, Luis Suarez.

Mario Balotelli has kept us all entertained this week. Firstly, it was revealed that he had a fling with the same escort that Wayne Rooney had an affair with. He has already ordered a ‘Why This STD’ T-Shirt.

He then was involved in a car accident in Manchester. According to Manchester City, its not Balotelli’s fault. However, according to witness reports, tried to jump a red light, but the ramp just wasn’t strong enough.

Happy 24th Birthday to Fabrice Muamba today. It was also revealed that Fabrice may be discharged from hospital, in the very near future. However you support, im sure you’ll agree, that this is great news.

And finally. A Manchester City youth player found himself in trouble this week, after tweeting ‘Pro Manchester United tweets’ during our 2-0 against Blackburn. His tweets were seen by almost a thousand people, which, ironically, is just like playing for Manchester City.

For more entertaining nonsense follow me on twitter @stockportred