Date: 15th August 2012 at 1:41pm
Written by:

Hopefully this lad won't be trending anymore

Hopefully this lad won't be trending anymore

With the new season tantalisingly only days away, it’s time to dust the cobwebs off the ‘lucky match day pants’ distance ourselves from the City fans at work and inform  mrs that we can’t make the wedding/christening/funeral we said we’d go to.

The Summer has been a pretty grim one for Reds as we’ve had to reminisce on what might have been as the Blue third of Manchester celebrate their third league win with the non-stop crowing you’d expect from a bunch of bitter bastards that hate United and have never come close to bothering a Premiership title race.

As we look ahead to the new season, their are several factors we can almost guarantee will happen over the next nine months, Sir Alex Ferguson and Roberto Mancini will engage in some form of ‘war of words’, messrs Shearer and Lawrenson will bore a collective nation to sleep on a weekly basis and Joey Barton will become less relevant and more stupid, if that’s even possible.

One thing I’m looking forward to almost less than I am seeing those dreaded blue and white ribbons adorning the Premier League trophy is the nonsense I’m gong to endure on the social networking sites this season. You all know what I mean, the type of knee-jerk, ill-informed, ludicrous dribble, that greets every dropped point or poor United performance, by those angry Reds amongst us who almost seem to disappear when things are going well.

Here’s ten pieces of nonsense I fully expect to be ‘trending’ over the next nine months:

1. Evra’s past it. Give it a dodgy back pass or not getting back quick enough against Everton and within minutes everyone’s favourite new persona non grata in a United shirt, will be getting pelters on the inter web from his so-called fans. Don’t get me wrong I know Evra can have bad games but contrary to popular belief they are not a regular occurrence and are more due to a lack of proper cover than being ‘past it.’ Mark my words it won’t take long at Goodison before the ‘should have bought Leighton Baines’ tweets, posts and comments start.

2. Chicharito has gone off the boil. It amazes me how a player who scored ten league goals in less than twenty starts is thought to have had a poor season by so many. No, it wasn’t as good as his first season, but then again Chicharito would’ve had to go some way to matching such a marvellous debut campaign. I understand the Mexican’s tendency to get caught offside can frustrate, but given a decent run in the side, I fully expect double figures again from the man who was lauded as the new Ole Gunnar Solskjaer only a season before.

3. Fergie needs to retire. Sounds mad, well believe me despite coming within a kick of the Premier League title last season there were times when I actually read the suggestion that the great man was past his best,  and it only takes a bad results for the donuts to come out of the woodwork if you allow me to mix my metaphors. I won’t be surprised one bit if a draw against the likes of Reading has some less patient- and sane- fans foaming at the mouth.

4. DDG needs to bulk up. The form of the young Spaniard at the back end of the season gave myself and no doubt many other Reds more than a bit of hope that United’s goalkeeping worries after Edwin Van Der Sar’s retirement, wouldn’t be anywhere near as problematic as they were when replacing Peter Schmeichel.  There were a few ‘wobbly moments’ on the way though and for some reason the physique that served De Gea so well up until his move to Old Trafford was now given as a reason for his shortcomings. I’ve never bought into the whole DDG needs to bulk up school of thought, for me his problems when dealing with crosses are more about confidence timing and technique rather than physique but the young keeper seems to have addressed these issues, give it one mistake though, one cross he fails to deal with and people will be calling for him to get on the pies before you can say Neville Southall.

5. The atmosphere at Old Trafford is rubbish. Okay so this isn’t exactly an erroneous statement but there have been times when I’ve left the ground thinking the crowd were actually decent, only to see people commenting how terrible the atmosphere was cos it sounded quiet on sky or the stream they watched it on. There’s only one way to improve the atmosphere at United, go to the games and make lots of noise and if you physically can’t then maybe getting behind those of us that do might be a start.

6. Wesley Sneijder. Give it one misplaced pass from the midfield and the dreaded ‘S’ word will no doubt rear it’s head again. We didn’t sign him, let’s worry about who we did sign as the subject of the Dutchman is almost as boring as a Steven Gerrard interview.

7. Tevez. Why would United fans comment of that ‘t*** from Argentina’ so much and so often, well it’s because let’s face some hard facts, he’s a good player, he left us for  our rivals and he’s a complete d***.  If he plays well for City, goes on a golfing holiday, or even breathes there’s a whole army of United fans ready to comment on it. Personally I’m sick of the Tevez chant now, he wouldn’t have lasted five more minutes at United anyway with his attitude and if City want to let him merely highlight they’re small club mentality despite their billions, then let them. It’s time to move on from him both in the stands and on the web.

8. Nani needs selling. I love Mr Da Cunha I really do, but whether he’s rolling round on the floor putting in a bid for an Academy Award, skipping past three players or putting a shot into row Z when he should be crossing it, there’s no denying that at least Nani is exciting, even if it can often be for the wrong reasons. Why some people seem to think United would be better off without one of our few match winners is quite frankly beyond me but give it about 14 poor minutes against Everton and the words  “should sell him” will be reverberating round the web like a Wayne Rooney fart.

9. Rooney’s over-rated. One bad game and the social networks turn on Wazza quicker than most players, arguably due to his higher profile, expectations on him and the whole contract saga which has still left a sour taste in the mouth for many Reds. I’ll admit, there’s times when even I’ve wondered whether Rooney really is as good as some say, then I just remember THAT overhead kick or countless other strikes for that matter.

10. Jonny Evans isn’t up to the job. It amazes me that despite his manager claiming he’s one of our best players, being a big part of a successful record breaking defence a few seasons ago and generally being a United regular for the past two seasons, many still doubt young Jonny. Admittedly he can make mistakes but who doesn’t and some of the vitriol aimed at him is beyond a joke. I expect this season to be no different.

Follow me on twitter for my own Red nonsense @RFFH