Date: 16th April 2014 at 8:04am
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Apart from the results, football and performances, Moyes tenure has been a success so far.

In a move destined to shake the footballing world to its very foundations, professional comedian and occasional football manager David Moyes has fined himself two weeks wages for his side’s poor performance this season.

Speaking from the lavatory cubicle at United’s Carrington, Chevrolet- the pride of Eastern Europe on Thursday night’s training ground- Moyes noted:

“They tell me this club has a great tradition of fining people, Eric Cantona, Roy Keane & Lee Sharpe. It’s a fantastic honour to be amongst such a great group of talented individuals. “

Moyes’ decision comes after the United boss decided to fine three of his players for going out on the town a mere 29 hours after the club’s Champions League exit to Bayern Munich- barely ten days before their next fixture.

“When they told me the three lads had been out and not one of them had shagged an old prostitute or even a young one for that matter, I decided it was time to act.”

Ever since Sir Alex informed Moyes he was the chosen one to take United into the toilet the former Everton boss has endured something of a torrid time. With United out of the title race by September and the signing of Marouane Fellaini the biggest waste of money since the installation of the Manchester City Museum, Moyes has been living on borrowed time.

Despite reports that Moyes had also suspended himself for two weeks, leaving Jimmy Lumsden in charge of first team matters, the manager was quick to quash such rumours.

“Jimmy’s away scouting some lad called Paul Gascoigne, he says he’s heard great things about him and could be just what the club needs. “

Ryan Giggs was unavailable for comment.


10 responses to “David Moyes Fines Himself Two Weeks Wages”

  1. Shedy says:

    This is a waste of time for an article. So this journalist/reporter gets paid for this?

  2. Preston says:

    Humor at its best great article!

  3. kudakwashe says:

    stupid article,u think we can buy this nosence

  4. StrefordSoul says:

    Was this meant to be posted on the Liverpool website? Obviously written by some fickle united fan who more than likely has never been to Old Trafford. Disappointing that this shite would be allowed on a united fan site.

  5. StretfordSoul says:

    Haha not allowing my comment….why??

  6. StretfordSoul says:

    One good thing that will come out of this season’s poor performances is that fuckwits like you will soon be jumping on the Man City or Scouse bandwagon

  7. SENUSI says:

    Moyes should resign honorably to enable United regain back it’s pride and tradition of winning.He didn’t have what it takes to manage Manu. Two weeks self punishment is not the solution.
    Manithez has proved him wrong about his managing ability in Everton. Everton now among top four contenders or favourites,while Manu still battling second championship qualification with the same set of team that won title last season.
    Give Moyes all the players in world, the worst will stil happen.

  8. elvis says:

    the journalist who wrote this article must be a fool to waste people’s time like this.

  9. Amos says:

    Let sack david moyes because he does not worth it