Date: 24th January 2016 at 1:20am
Written by:
Even the players look bored at Old Trafford

– Had almost nothing to do other than pick the ball out of his net after Charlie Austin’s goal, which he was powerless to stop. 6

Matteo Darmian- Was doing okay until he got clattered by Shane Long while defending a Sadio Mane cross. Hospitalised with a bleeding mouth, which means at least unlike his team mates he went down with something resembling a fight. 7

Chris Smalling- Could’ve given away three with his constant shirt pulling and despite his pointing and shouting, doesn’t seem capable of truly organising the defence. His season is going from superb to slightly worrying at an alarming rate. 5

Daley Blind- If Smalling is showing signs of a slight wobble, Blind turned to a jelly mush months ago. Becoming a complete liability with his awful passing, lack of pace and height and inability to read the game. Nowhere near good enough for United and it’s a miracle he’s been part of defence with so many clean sheets this season. 4

Cameron Borthwick- Jackson- Absolute shambles that the two defenders on the pitch who embarrassed themselves the least are the one who went of injured and the Corsa driving teenager. I pity any youngster asked to join this mess but CBJ has done himself proud and with the right coaching could be future regular. 7

Morgan Schneiderlin- I’m usually a fan of the Frenchman but all I kept thinking today was “why didn’t we buy Victor Wanyama?” Was second best in midfield to his former team mates far too often and seems to think Rugby rules apply to football when it comes to passing. 5

Marouane Fellaini- Gave the home something to cheer about- by being subbed at half-time. The sooner this abomination of a player is shipped out to a League One club where he belongs the better. Embarrassing to watch him representing Manchester United football club. 4

Ander - Usually we’d be crying out for the Spaniard to start, except when he actually does and we’re underwhelmed and wonder why we pined for him so much. Did very little of note today and didn’t look like the so-called saviour of the side. 5

Jesse - Right now I’d take Nani, Josh King, Wilfred Zaha, Andrea Pereira, Memphis or even 42 year-old Ryan over the winger whose sole saving grace is we didn’t spend any money to watch a completely ineffectual display which was reminiscent of his one at Anfield. 4

Anthony Martial- The Frenchman must be wondering what on earth he’s joined us for, when he looks around the pitch and sees not a single outfield player in the same class as him. Tried to make things happen but wasn’t a great day even for the one man we usually can rely on. 6

- The ‘return to ’ is over and now we’re at a real ‘return to form’ which is being either anonymous or arguing with the ref. Did nothing all game. 4

Subs – Juan Mata for Fellaini- United fans cheered his appearance but they shouldn’t have bothered as other than the odd glimpse he never looked like winning us the game. Yes, we better than Fellaini, but so is a strategically placed traffic cone in the centre circle. 5

Paddy McNair for Darmian- Another overhyped youngster who now seems destined for Sunderland or Stoke one day, if they’re still below us in stature, which is doubtful at this rate. Looked nervous and wasn’t helped by those around him. 5

Adnan Januzaj- For Borthwick-Jackson The youngster had a torrid time at Dortmund and for some bizarre reason his name was chanted towards the end as though he could make a real difference. In fact he did- for as he got them a needless free kick which led to the goal. The boy really can do anything. 3

Louis Van Gaal- The best tactical change the manager could make is one that takes him to retirement home. Lost the fans, the players and the press, only the board seem willing to put up with this utter dross. 2

Referee N/A